Lunatics Can Win Too
by Freelancer Mississippi
Summary: The food at Arkham tastes worse than usual, and joker decides to go to extreme measures to fix it dragging Two-Face, Scarecrow, and the other inmates with him. Rated M for certain situations
1. Chapter 1: Lunatics Can Win Too

Chapter 1: Lunatics Can Win Too

"This food is awful," Two Face growled as he sat down at the table.

"It's been like this since a few weeks ago, but you weren't here for that," Joker replied as he stabbed at his own food. Poison Ivy just pushed hers away.

"Probably has mutilated plants in it, and I will not eat my babies," she said firmly. Joker scowled.

"Leland is normally better than this. What changed?" Jonathan Crane mused as he sat at the end of the table. Two Face looked over.

"While I was on the outside, Mayor Peterson announced spending cuts. I guess he cut spending on Arkham," Two Face theorized.

"So the mayor controls how much funding the asylum gets? That doesn't seem right. They're trying to cure us and shit," Harley said, sitting down.

"Harley, baby, nobody possesses as good a brain as me. You are right, for once in your life," Joker said to her. She hugged him tight.

"Oh, Mr. J, I love you!" she squealed. Joker rolled his eyes and shoved her away.

"The mayor controls the food. I've got a great idea," Joker started. Two Face studied him then started shaking his head.

"No, Joker. Don't say it," Two Face said.

"I'm going to run…" Joker continued. Two Face more vigorously shook his head.

"For Mayor!" Joker finished. Jonathan's head fell into his hands.

"We are all doomed," he moaned, and Two Face and Ivy could only agree.

"Now Joker, the other inmates say you are having delusions of power. What do they mean?" the new psychiatrist, Dr. Daniels, asked. Joker looked at him from across the table.

"It's simple Doc; I want to be mayor. I want better stuff, and we don't get that with this hardass. Besides, it would be a terrific joke, to see the people of Gotham so over politicians that they vote for me instead," Joker giggled. Dr. Daniels made a note on his paper: _Suffers from Delusions of Power_.

"Anything else?" Dr. Daniels asked. Joker nodded.

"Yeah, actually. Will you get me the footage of Mayor Peterson's announcement from four years ago, and also any recent political announcements," Joker said. "I want to be ready to announce soon. Election Day is only six months away!"

"What thinks people will vote for you?" Daniels asked.

"Ted Cruz won 11 states and he's the Zodiac Killer. Lunatics can win stuff too," Joker cackled. Dr. Daniels rolled his eyes.

"This session has been productive. You can leave." The Joker got up and moved towards the door, but Dr. Daniels stopped him. "I'll get you the tapes. My pay got slashed by this guy. Maybe we do need a lunatic in charge of the asylum."

"And, as mayor, I will keep Gotham safe, which Mayor Peterson has failed to do. I'm not doing this for the money; I'm doing this for the good of Gotham's people, and with that in mind, I know I might not be the mayor you deserve, but I am the mayor that you need. Thank you." Bruce Wayne stepped down from his podium as applause was heard. Joker flicked off the recording. Harvey sat next to him with a new DVD.

"Here. This is my announcement when I ran for DA," he put it in. A moaning teen instead popped up on the screen. Harvey lunged for the DVD player. "That's not it," he muttered, withdrawing another DVD from his jumpsuit.

"Wow, I didn't know your announcement was only to a horny blonde, but ok. I need a wider audience, cause I have a blonde already," Joker mused.

"Shut up," Harvey growled as he put in the next DVD. A fresh faced lawyer stood on the podium. On the front it said "Dent For DA". Behind him, a large banner said "Take Gotham Back".

"Justice. What is justice? Justice was originally considered 'an-eye-for-an-eye'. Now it is not so barbaric"- the crowd laughed at this -"but it is still the same concept. Justice is equal and applies to all men, rich or poor. If a rich man blinds a poor man, the rich man is also blinded. The world needs this universal standard of law. Gotham especially. That's why I am running for District Attorney. To take Gotham back and hold everybody accountable for their crimes! From corruption and bribery to common thievery, a standard will be set to insure that the law is fair to everybody!" Joker suddenly hit the power button on the remote.

"That was the best part!" Two-Face declared.

"Oh come on Harv; this only shows me one thing. That you are going to run my campaign, and we are going to win," Joker declared as he stood up and marched off. Two-Face just shook his head.

"What have I gotten myself into?"


	2. Chapter 2: Welcome to Work, Miss Ivy

"I'm definitely going to have to escape to announce. Announcing in a prison just ain't classy," Joker said. He was talking to Two-Face in the Rec room while Jervis Tetch and Johnny Crane played chess.

"Yeah, that would be wise, but if you escape, then I need to escape. I've already set in motion certain things like ballot access, your location of announcement, your logo…" Two Face aid before being interrupted by Joker.

"Logo? Lemme see," Joker ordered.

"It's in development by a personal friend of mine who does this type of stuff for a living. He's discreet and won't mention it to anybody. Better question: how are we escaping?" Two Face asked. Suddenly, an explosion rocked the building. Joker grinned.

"Great! The welcome wagon is here!" Joker said happily as his long-time associate Rocco strolled into the Rec room. He tossed Two Face and Joker handguns.

"Let's go. We need to leave now." Rocco said. They ran out of the hole that had been made in the wall. Two Face fired into the direction of the sound of gunfire. A large van was sitting in the grass outside of the asylum and Joker and Two Face leaped in. Harley was already inter back. Rocco got in the driver's seat, but didn't move.

"Drive!" Two Face yelled. Joker put up his hand. Several of his henchman brought in large body bags with clearly something in them.

"Can't leave my campaign team!" Joker chuckled as the doors were closed and the van sped off. Two Face looked in the body bags to find the unconscious bodies of Jonathan Crane, Jervis Tetch AKA the Mad Hatter, and Poison Ivy.

"Wakey, wakey, Pammie," the warped voice of the Joker said. Ivy sat up to realize she was now sitting in a chair in an apartment. She immediately stood up and rushed the Joker. A henchman restrained her before she could reach him though. "Pammie, just hear me out. I want you to help me. I want you to be at all my rallies for PR purposes to show that I care about the environment," Joker explained. Ivy looked at him incredulously.

"You, environmentally friendly? What made you think I would do it?"

"Well I already got Johnny and Tetch on board," Joker said. "A wise man once said that you get more with a kind word and a gun than just a kind word."

"Well, I'm not going to let you threaten me. I won't be bullied," Ivy declared. She strode out the front door. Harley rushed to catch her.

"But Red, can't you do it for my sake? Please?" Harley begged. Ivy sighed.

"I love and care for you Harley, and you know that. However, I cannot work for the clown that would be too hard for me to do. So I'm sorry but no." With that Ivy turned away and walked toward the parking lot of a nearby car dealership.

After using her mind control lipstick on the dealer, she sped off in a new Nissan Leaf. Much better for the environment. She arrived at her greenhouse on the outskirts of Gotham.

"Babies, I'm home!" she announced as she felt the rush of being reconnected with her plants. She spent the rest of the day taking care of her plants and sleeping. Later, in the evening, she recieved a phone call from an unknown number. She picked it up. "This better not be the Joker."

"It's not," the deep, rumbling voice of Ra's al Ghul replied. Ivy was surprised to get a call from him.

"What do you want," she asked. He laughed.

"We both share the same goal: protection of the environment at all costs. You also know that the mayoral race is heating up, and there really isn't an environmentally friendly candidate. However, I have found one. I have requested a meeting and have gotten confirmation that one will happen. I would like you to come with me," Ra's explained.

"Who's the person?" Ivy asked.

"Can't tell you. You will find out later. I will come by your greenhouse in one hour. Be ready." With that, he hung up. Poison Ivy felt like not going, but also knew that if there was an environmental candidate, something might start happening in this city.

An hour later, a black limousine pulled up in front of her house. The chauffeur opened the door for her. Ra's was in the back, along with Talia and several of his body guards. Talia patted the seat next to her.

They drove off, nobody saying a word. They drove until the surburban subdivisions became large, gray office buildings, and even farther until those walls became brightly spray painted with graffiti. The limo stopped in front of a graffiti covered office building. Poison Ivy got out with teh rest.

"Now will you tell me who it is?" Ivy asked Ra's. he shook his head as they entered and proceeded to one of the conference rooms that connected to the main lobby. A man in a white face mask, along with two men wearing ski masks, were sitting at the far end of the table. The man in the white mask stood up and shook hands with Ra's.

"Thank you for coming. Especially you, Miss Ivy. It is a pleasure for you to be here. What I want to know is, are you ready for a new Gotham where people have choices and the city is empty of corruption? This would include freeing up several areas of Gotham for more green spaces, and several corporations I know for a fact you two have tried to shut down would not be subsidized to be in Gotham any more," the man said.

"Sounds good to me," Ra's said. He looked over at Ivy. "What do you think?"

"Well, it sounds good, but why am i here? I don't have money to donate." Ivy said.

"I want you to be my campaign manager. We are announcing tomorrow, and I want you and Talia to be there. Ra's, I know how dangerous it is to be out in public with the Bat looking for you, so Talia can speak on your behalf. Does that sound ok?" Ra's smiled. He got up, along with Ivy. The man in the white mask shook both of their hands.

"Pleasure to do business with you," Ra's said.

"The pleasure is all mine. And welcome to the team, Miss Ivy," the man said warmly.

"Thank you. It will be great to work along side your campaing, Anarky."


End file.
